August 27, 2017

Welcome to the second installment of my blog.  What is happening in my world, you may wonder?   As I am starting to gear up to begin my pilgrimage to Shadow Lane in Las Vegas this week, Hurricane Harvey decided to descend upon the great state of Texas.  This hurricane has caused quite a stir here in Austin but this Florida girl ain’t scared of no darned hurricane.  While it may have gotten everyone in Texas in a tizzy, it isn’t going to stop me from speaking my mind.  Fingers crossed that my flight won’t be grounded on Wednesday!

I thought I would bring up accountability today as I have had several sessions this week where the correlation between accountability and punishment have surfaced.  I want to stress one basic thing to my fellow spankos, the only person you should to be accountable to is yourself.  No matter the need for discipline, understand that nobody (not even professional disciplinarians) can hold you accountable for your actions unless you hold yourself accountable first.  It can be wonderful to have someone (partner, friend, disciplinarian) with which you can share all of your deepest darkest dreams, desires, and downfalls. However, true change comes from within ourselves and we must embrace that concept first. The thought that others can hold us accountable for our actions is nonsensical in my opinion.  Yes, others may help us realign and help us refocus our priorities but if you are looking to cease a behavior, call yourself out on your own bullshit first.

I will step down from my soapbox and finish my blog with something that is close to my heart, my final segment of my interview with my spanking partner, JD Webb.   If you are attending the party and would like to share your thoughts and experiences with me that I can use in a future blog please make sure you let me know.  The life long learner in me wants to explore other people’s journey to attempt to find a better understanding of myself and other spankos.  So please, speak up if you would like, you will be heard.   🙂

JD Webb Interview Part II

In our first segment, you mentioned how you had no context of sexuality when you first became aware of your desire/need to spank and be spanked. You also mention how later in life you were able to merge that in to sexual fantasies and most of your sex involves spanking in one way or another.  Do you think that making it into a sexual component was essential for you to find others that like to spank as well? Was that the only way you thought it made sense?  Looking back, do you think it was just the natural evolution of a spanko?

I’m sure it was just the natural evolution. I was never able to sit and consider this fetish, mostly because it was so weird to me and I didn’t really want to acknowledge it even existing. It’s funny to think of sexual thing existing prior to any awareness of sexuality but I think that’s why it was all so confusing. I bet many, many spankos feel the same way about their early memories.

I ask this because I have had several clients that no longer can have sex or even want to, but spanking is still important in their lives. They don’t need sex but they need spanking, either giving or receiving or both.  Do you identify with this?  If sex was no longer a part of your life, do think the need for spanking would evaporate?  Do you see yourself being spanked and caned/spanking others well into your golden years? 

I’ve joked with you in person about how I always wanted to grow up to be a dirty old man. I think that’s a spanking-related observation as much as a vanilla-sex one. So yes, I do imagine that’s I’ll always have this need. After all, if it existed before I was aware of sex, shouldn’t it live on if my sexual appetite disappears? I imagine so.

Which type of spanking do you prefer the most? Do you like no nonsense punishment type spanking, role play, or funishment style?  For you as a spanker and as a spankee?

This may be a cop-out answer but I like all of it. I think it depends a lot on who I’m playing with, too. For example, I can lose myself when I’m over your lap, really give into it and trust you to give me what I need. Likewise, when you really need a spanking I can do that for you, because we’ve done so much together, because we know each other so well, and because we truly care so much about each other.

But there’s so much fun to be had, too, meeting new people at parties and spanking a brand new bottom, or climbing over the lap of a new top.

If I had to pick one for the top of my list I think it’d be role play. There are about nine million scenarios to go through, and one can really examine certain aspects of the spanking fetish with role play, hone in on a particular element. If you want to try exhibitionism you could get spanked in front of a “class” of other people. Or if you want to be scolded, taken back to your youth, all of these can be wonderfully exciting in a role play.

I have found that, when you are in control, receiving a spanking is stress relieving for me as your partner. It is freeing for me to be able to let myself let go of control and let you decide what you think I need.  How do you feel when you are spanked?  When you are the spanker?

Being a spanker is fun, but it’s also a huge responsibility precisely because someone is trusting you in an emotionally and physically vulnerable situation. As you know, my own tolerance varies from time to time and you’re able to pick up on that, vary what you do and how you do it accordingly. That allows me to sink into the experience and let go, give up every piece of control. It’s such a freeing feeling.

We have known each other over three years and have been spanking each other almost that entire time. Even though you spank others on occasion and are spanked by other tops at parties, what do you like about our time together v. time you have played with others?

The big difference is precisely what you point out. I’ve never had a relationship like this, where someone knows exactly what I need, how I need. Where someone is one hundred percent understanding and utterly nonjudgmental. And, most importantly, where someone has taken the time to really know me. Honestly, I always thought I’d go through life having the occasional play time, maybe paying for a professional to get my needs met. I never dreamed I’d find someone who would truly get this part of me. So, what I’m saying is, while I love playing at parties there’s not really a real comparison to be had.

You stated in our previous segment that your girlfriends in your teens and twenties had mostly negative reactions when you would bring up spanking. The “why would you want to hurt me?” reaction was very similar to the one that I had with you when we first met.  Being a kinky person but not necessarily identifying as a spanko at that time, I was open to explore.  Thankfully we did and came to find out that I had this need as well.  Do you think that you have honed your approach to asking if others are into it as you have matured?

Yes, I think so. I am constantly wondering if those around me a secret spankos because as you know from being in the community, we are everyone and everywhere. I will often drop the word “spanking” into conversation, in a way that makes sense, of course, and usually in a jokey way, to see if I get any positive feedback. I suppose I’m a little bolder about it than I used to be, but I’m also more respectful. If someone shows no interest or doesn’t respond I just leave it alone. If I remember correctly, and I do, you responded quite well when the subject came up. 🙂

I feel that our sessions together are so wonderful because we know each other so well and trust each other. Do you think that as a spanko, finding meaningful relationships with others that understand you are as important at this stage in your life?  Do you think if it was all light play it would be any less fulfilling?

For sure. I think it’s important for spankos to establish those meaningful relationships at any time in their lives. I would love to have met you decades ago for this, absolutely. And I know for a fact that it’s better than light play because before I met you, that’s pretty much what I had. Sure, it was fun and maybe staved off some part of my need but is nothing like what I have now in you. There’s no real comparison.

How many professionals have you sessioned with through the years? You encouraged me to go pro, why did you think I should?  What do you think my best quality is as a top? 

I’ve never hired anyone, but I certainly thought about it plenty! I’ve played with a few who are professionals but only at parties.

I encouraged you for several reasons. One, you are a talented and understanding spanker. By that I mean you are “mechanically,” in that you know what to do and how to do it. But you are also a very empathetic person. You read people well and you have a desire to help people. Combine those elements and you have the complete spanker, right?

In a more practical sense, there’s also a dearth of pros in this area, so there’s a natural vacuum for your talents to fill.

Lastly, at Shadow Lane this year, if we were to meet the girl that you went to the first Shadow Lane with back in 1994 do you think you would say something to her? Maybe spank her? We already know you are hoping to see Sandy 😉

You know, I would love to go over Sandy’s lap, but I have no idea if she’s still in the scene. Maybe someone out there reading this might know? But the girl I went with, no, I don’t feel like that’s an open issue for me. I’d definitely chat with her, maybe play, but I don’t have any sense that I have unfinished business, so to speak, with her. Plus, I plan to be busy roasting your bottom!


August 19, 2017

Hello and welcome to Miss Rachel’s blog! I am so excited to be able to share more of my thoughts and feelings on a more personal level.

Shadow Lane is right around the corner and in anticipation of the party, what better way to celebrate than to interview a lifelong spanko?  What better life long spanko to interview than my spanking partner?  So, I decided that my first entry should be an interview with JD Webb, my glorious partner.  He knows me better than anyone and he GETS it!  He is a mainstream mystery writer and sometimes kink author.   He is fascinating to me and his story may be similar to yours.  This is the first segment of my interview, I hope you enjoy it.

Mystery and Kink writer, JD Webb

First things first, you consider yourself a spanko, correct? Do you consider it a defining part of who you are? Like sexuality or gender identity? Do you prefer to be the spanker or spankee? Do you spank men and women? Does size and shape matter?

Correct, I’m a tried and true spanko, have been all my life (oh, that’s the next question… I’ll hold off on that one…!). Yes, it is a defining part of who I am, absolutely. Jillian Keenan has argued that being kinky is an orientation and I agree, it’s integral to my sexuality. It is my sexuality.

I am a switch. It took me a long time to admit that to myself and others, but I am a true switch. At this point, people usually give a percentage of spanker/spankee but for me it varies, over long periods and short periods. For example, I was a top only for years and years. Then when I started trusting that other side of myself, I went all in for a while. Now I swing merrily to and fro, enjoying both equally.

I spank, and get spanked by, women only. I suppose in theory I could imagine a scenario where that changes but in practice… I’m as straight as an arrow. A very kinky arrow. As for size and shape, I do have preferences for those I date but when it comes to playing, I don’t care in the least.

We have had the discussion about spanking and nature v. nurture. Some spankos were spanked as a child and others weren’t.  I know we both seemed to agree that everyone’s journey is different and there are no absolutes in cause or desire for fetishes.  But let’s get some background on your upbringing. Were you spanked as a child? What is your earliest memory of spanking?  How old were you? Was it an otk spanking or something else? 

I was not spanked as a kid, ever, no. That said…. I went to boarding schools in England right before corporal punishment was outlawed. So I heard, and even saw, a fair few “whackings” and I’ll be honest, they terrified me! I would have done anything in the world to avoid that fate, and in fact did. I pulled at least one prank that resulted in the cane coming out, but not for me!! Yeah, I felt guilty for a long time over that!

I remember very clearly the feeling of being around it. Utter fascination and terror in equal measure and I often wondered what it would be like to get the cane or slipper. I still wonder, of course, and in a way I regret not taking my medicine back then so I would know now. Easy to say that from the distance of a few decades, of course, because like I said before, the fear of it out-weighed any curiosity!

As for my earliest memories, I’m a cliché when it comes to spankos. Looking up words in the dictionary, finding it in books, all that sort of thing. I never gave my first spanking until I was in my twenties, but I blame Al Gore for that. He didn’t invent the internet quickly enough. Now I’m trying to make up for lost time…

How did you feel at the time when you realized you had this urge? Did you feel alone or odd that you wanted to spank? Did you think if you tried it once it would scratch the itch, or did you know that it would always be something significant in your life?

I felt odd. And yes, alone. I didn’t want anyone to know and, frankly, I didn’t know what it was myself. I was aware of this… oddity… before I was aware of sexuality so I had no context for it. What an odd fascination to have, with no place to put it. As I got older it was fodder for my sexual fantasies, of course, and all my fantasies had that element. Vanilla sex wasn’t for me. Not that I don’t enjoy vanilla sex, of course, but in my imagination it’s all spanking, all the time.

When was the first time you decided to act on your curiosity? How old were you, who did you spank/try to spank?  How was it received?

I tried bringing it up with girlfriends in my teens and early twenties. Dropping hints. But no one bit and the only feedback I got back was totally negative. “Why would you want to hurt me?” kind of thing. I didn’t have the confidence or experience to charm or seduce someone into trying it so I would always drop the subject and walk away feeling like a horrible, twisted person.

I know you have been to some of the big parties (Shadow Lane, TASSP, LSSP) but what made you decide to venture out to your first one? How did that go for you?  Has your participation waxed or waned as you have grown older?

I was 25 years old and committed to going to the 1994 Shadow Lane party. I had corresponded with a young lady from New York and we’d agreed to meet there. Honestly, I was in the prime of my life—fit, strong, handsome as I’d ever be. And a wallflower. I didn’t know how to get into the suite parties and my NYC friend spent the weekend playing and having a blast, while I read by the pool and stood around feeling awkward.

I do remember a well known spanko called Sandy, a beautiful African American woman, she came up and asked if I liked to be spanked. I said no. she gave me a big smile and said, “Let me know if you change your mind.” That was before I was secure enough to admit I liked it, and hey, Sandy! I’ve changed my mind!

As I’ve gotten older I’ve found myself more comfortable with who I am, what I like. So while I’m still a little reticent to ask people to play, I do it. And I don’t mind spanking or being spanked in public play rooms.

I do wish I had my 1994 body, though, I’ll tell ya that much…!

Have you felt shame associated with your spanking urges? If so, how have you dealt with that? As a child? As a teen? As an adult?

Heavens yes. All my life, today still I’d bet. My usual response is to try and hide it, to lie when challenged, and to bury everything deep. It’s only very very recently that I’ve tried to be more open, more honest, and trust people around me not to laugh or judge. That’s not easy after 50 years of hiding it, but I’m trying.

Have you found that you have to be secretive about your needs and desires to spank because you don’t think others would understand?

Oh yes, for sure. Even those close to me who try, don’t get it. And it’s not just about spanking others it’s about being around them. Being with my tribe, so to speak. I mean, think about it—for years I thought this kink made me a freak, a weirdo. Then I discovered other people were into it, but I worried they weren’t normal either (whatever that is). So for decades I’ve wanted to meet other spankos, as a kind of reassurance that yes, normal people can be into this. I don’t have to play with them, but I do have to know they exist, I do have to be around them from time to time.

Did you feel like your other family members (siblings and parents) may have had this fetish as well? Have you ever discussed it with them?  If not, would you ever?

No, never ever ever! Cringe.

As a mainstream writer with a vanilla career, do you talk about spanking with your vanilla peers or only those that you know are in the lifestyle? If so, how do you start that conversation?  What has been reaction from vanillas that you have told?

Interesting question. For one thing, I’ve worked a touch of spanking into most of my novels. Just a little bit, nothing to give myself away. And not just in my writing life, I do occasionally share my secret with people I trust. Vanilla people, that is. There have been only a handful and they’ve been curious and nonjudgmental, which is amazing. I have some nice friends.  🙂

I do know a couple of kinky mainstream authors, too, and have my suspicions about others. But this is a private thing, so I’m very careful not to overstep boundaries.

Do you have children? Do you believe in spanking children? 

I do have kids and no, emphatically. Spanking is an adult activity, and should only ever be between consenting adults. No exceptions. Ever.

What is the future of spanking for JD Webb? Do you think you have found a homeostasis? Will you continue to evolve?

I hope so. There are things I want to do, people I want to meet and play with. There are physical and mental aspects I want to explore. I’d like to write a spanking novel, too, and there’s no reason I shouldn’t, apart from lack of time maybe. After so many years of repression I think it’s inevitable that even now I continue to evolve and explore. And that’s a nice thought for me.

What would be a dream spanking scenario look like for you?

I rent a chateau in France. You’re my co-hostess. We invite twenty spankos for a week, flying them over in private planes. We have a spanko chef on staff who prepares informal breakfasts and lunches, and a formal, black-tie dinner every evening. And every evening, all our names go in a glass bowl, with one being taken out. That person receives six strokes of the cane in the dining room, everyone watching. (Hmm, I guess that means everyone there is sub or switch, but we can work on the details later…) There’s a swimming pool and clothes are optional. It’s not an orgy, but it’s a festival of spanking.

One week at a French chateau, with great food, fine wine, and everyone spanked silly.

Are you in?

Boy, am I ever! ~Miss Rachel 🙂

Miss Rachel and JD Webb will be available for limited co-topping sessions at Shadow Lane.  Contact positivelyspanking@gmail.com for further information.

You can follow JD Webb on Twitter @AuthorJDWebb