MISS RACHEL’S BLOG
January 21, 2018
Happy New Year!
Hello fellow spankos! I hope you all had a wonderful holiday season and are ready to get down to business in 2018. Since my last posting I have traveled to Portland, OR and met up with the beautiful and talented Cassidy Lau, (@SassyXOLassy on Twitter), and to Fairbanks, MN where I attempted to ski, walked on a frozen lake, and went for an enjoyable dog sled ride. Of course, there were many spankings on both trips and I had a fantastic time in each city. I also went home to Florida for Christmas and saw my family, it was really nice to see them after so long. We made a pact not to bring up politics so I had a relaxing Christmas and got to catch up on some much-needed sleep. I made it back to Austin at the end of December and rang the New Year in by watching movies at home and falling asleep five minutes before midnight.
In late December I was delighted to be nominated for “Best New Female Spanker” award by Spankingblogg.com for the videos I did for Sarah Gregory’s mommaspankings.com. The voting was tight as there were very talented women who were up for the award. They are all awesome spankers and I was very humbled to be nominated alongside them. Needless to say, I was totally shocked to find out that I won yesterday. I want to thank everyone who voted for me and know that it means the world to me that I am recognized by such a wonderful group of people. Also, I would like to congratulate Cassidy Lau for winning “Best New Spankee Newcomer.” I hope I get to film with her in the future because we have so much fun together when we play. I am looking forward to doing more videos with Sarah Gregory so be on the look out for some new material this year featuring yours truly.
As for what is on my agenda in the near future, my passport has finally arrived and I will be off to Paris and London next month! I can’t wait to meet some international spankos as well as take in the culture of these two amazing cities. I have a lot of landmarks, museums, and points of interest that are on my itineraries for both cities. I am especially excited to have recently added a trip to the Moulin Rouge to my Paris trip. I will be going with a dear friend and fellow spanko who has made this trip a reality for me, thank you @pats_lap, I know that we will have a blast.
Finally, party season will be heating up soon and I am super excited! I haven’t been to a national party since Shadow Lane in September and I am chomping at the bit. I have already registered for the Lone Star Spanking Party in May that takes place in Houston. If you haven’t decided if you should go, take my word for it and GO. You will see the best the spanking world has to offer at this event. Not to be missed! Click here Lone Star Party and register. I am arriving the Wednesday before the party begins and will set some time aside for private sessions throughout the weekend. Keep in mind that those slots are limited as I will be participating in many of the events as well. If you want to guarantee that you will get a spanking from me please email me at email@example.com for my availability. I also plan on attending TASSP, Shadow Lane and possibly Crimson Moon this year. To keep up on my travel schedule please check my dates and locations tab.
This year I am looking forward to meeting new twitter and Fetlife friends, reconnecting with old friends, and meeting new people. I have added a few more implements to the arsenal and have more to come from sensualpaddles.com , thanks Bill (he will be vending at Lone Star too). I have a feeling 2018 is going to be a great year.
OCTOBER BLOG BONUS SUPPLEMENT
October 24, 2017
Want to get to know your disciplinarian better? Aside from the content on my website about my thoughts on spanking, I did an interview with Andy Cano last year for his blog page someonesgonnagetit.wordpress.com that delved a little bit more into my personal thoughts on spanking. It’s been a year so I thought what better time than now than to follow up with that interview. My life is constantly evolving as is my practice, but the copy that has been on my website from day one is still the foundation of how I view spanking and discipline. Along with that material, these questions and answers may help you determine if I am the right fit for you. I’m not for everyone and I would rather you know before you book a session with me if we aren’t compatible. I am helping you do your due diligence in finding the best disciplinarian for you. If you are seeing another professional and don’t know their motivations and philosophy for spanking, perhaps you should ask. Below are some of the inquiries that I often get.
What is it really like being a professional disciplinarian?
I get to meet with like-minded people at every session. I can be me without any pretense or bullshit. When Miss Rachel shows up, it is the same Rachel that is at the coffee shop on the weekend or the same Rachel that is sitting at home on the computer. This resting bitch face (RBF) is real. I am an introvert and need time to unplug and unwind but this isn’t an act. Even in role play scenarios I try to pull from real life or fantasies that mean something to me. Authenticity is key. If I am fake you are going to know it so I just don’t operate that way. I am girly, I love buying new clothes, preparing for a session, getting on the right outfit and looking my best for the client. I put time in effort into how I look because I want my clients to know that I care, I am not phoning it in. I love what I do, not just punishing or disciplining those that deserve, need, and crave it, but I love the interaction with people that are being their true selves. It is very intoxicating and often leaves me wanting to know more about my client. I often have a sense of feeling refreshed even after an exhausting physical session from being in such a raw, personal space with a vulnerable person who trusts me implicitly. So basically, it’s awesome!
Do your friends know?
Since I did my first interview with Andy Cano, I have told several more people, some were college friends while others were new friends and acquaintances. I never have the intention of scaring people off or putting strangers ill at ease but I really, REALLY, love what I do and have no shame in my profession.
Does your family know?
My husband and children (16, and 13.5) all know what I do. My husband has known from the start and fully supports my work and any venture that I attempt. When I started my business, I originally told my children that I was an adult behavioral therapist. I didn’t find this to be a lie but it was more of a half-truth and so about six months ago I decided I didn’t want to hide my profession from my children. I state on my website that I want to destigmatize spanking and really, fetishes in general. So, I thought about it and decided to have transparency with my children. I also took into careful consideration that they were old enough and mentally mature enough to deal with the truth. They know I have never spanked them, and they also know I was spanked as a child. They don’t understand the need, but that’s okay. They know if they have questions I will answer them honestly and trust me, my kids are not afraid to ask! I think that letting them know that people need this in their lives and there isn’t anything wrong with it is one way I can help in teaching younger generations that everyone is different and that fetishes aren’t like Fifty Shades of Grey. If one can be free to be their true self, what better lesson can be taught?
Do you talk about it in vanilla company?
Yes and no. If I am with vanilla friends or meet new people that I am unsure about I generally stick with the behavioral therapist version of what I do. I don’t broadcast that I am a spanko or wear a badge that I am a professional disciplinarian. Most people just don’t do that anyway so why do I have to? However, when I am approached by someone and they flat out ask me what I do, I usually will tell them. Most people don’t know what a disciplinarian is and I have to explain. So sometimes, I make my decision on whether or not I have the time or inclination to explain. I don’t make apologies and I don’t feel the need to justify it, it is what it is, I do what I do, and I thoroughly LOVE it. Once a gentleman asked me at a Starbucks what I did for a living (as he was hitting on me) so I just gave him one of my business cards. I told him to look up my website because I didn’t feel like going into detail at Starbucks. He actually did call me and ask some questions but it ended with that. Not everyone is a spanko, that is their loss. The best I can hope for is an open mind, and I am helping keep Austin weird. 😉
How are sessions when you meet with strangers?
Meeting new clients can be nerve wracking if there isn’t the proper groundwork laid. Luckily, I have had very open and honest communication with clients in the email, phone, twitter, or FetLlife correspondence before a session so my anxiety is usually very low. However, I am always cautious and I always have security figured out and a contingency plan.
Do your sessions ever get sexual?
I have had clients that have been sexually aroused by spankings and I ignore it. I do not permit grinding on me and will end a session immediately if someone should attempt it. Thankfully, due to my vetting process, every single client I have ever met with has been respectful to me regarding this issue. I make it known prior to sessions that all of my appointments are non-sexual and punishment/discipline focused only. If you are looking for something else please find someone else. I don’t judge other women that do get sexual in sessions but I don’t believe that a true disciplinarian should. This includes supervised release. If you want to release yourself, do it after I leave or when you go home. I have absolutely no desire to see this nor do I want to hear about personal sexual encounters or fantasies. I treat my clients with respect and expect to be treated with nothing less. Would you pleasure yourself in front of your mother, teacher, principal, or other authoritative figure? I would certainly hope not.
What is the weirdest thing that has ever happened?
Once I was stung by a wasp right before a session started. I was really thrown for a loop because I had a horrible wasp incident when I was four. I was stung by a swarm of wasps on a swing set and I can only remember thinking I was going to die. Somehow, I kept it together and didn’t go into shock.
Do you prefer spanking one gender over the other?
I love spanking both men and women, equally but in different way. I enjoy being tougher on the guys. Don’t get me wrong, I can be very harsh with women too if that is what they need. I guess the force that I have with men lets them know that yes, I am in charge, and no, you aren’t getting away with a light swat on the bottom from me! My mom spanked me as a kid and it was almost laughable. I am not my mother!!!! I have a very heavy hand, and if my strength could keep up with my will I would hand spank eight hours a day. With women, I prefer to have therapeutic sessions. I personally get more out of a therapeutic session because I always learn something new about myself when trying to help my client figure out their goals, motivations, and deterrents to success. Women tend to be better listeners and if they are coming to me they really want change. That also motivates me to want to do better. I like spanking both genders but I get something different out of each experience.
What is your favorite type of session?
Therapeutic sessions where the client really is seeking change and is motivated to do it with encouragement from me are awesome. I really feel honored when people want me to help them understand themselves better. But I also like straight spankings and just having conversation while spanking. I love straight shooting with people and I feel very confident I am having an honest conversation when the spankee is over my knee.
What is your favorite role play?
I do love role play sessions and my favorite role is either Head Mistress or Strict Aunt. The best role play sessions I have had have been where the client gives me a lot of details from an almost true fantasy or embellishment on a real-life circumstance. I have to have adequate time to mentally prepare for role play sessions and the spur of the moment ones just aren’t as good. If you want a role play session with me, please do both of us a favor and give me details of what you would like to have happen and maybe some background as to why. The “why” can make all the difference in the world.
Aside from the financial aspect, what do you get out of a session?
I love being able to connect with people that have sometimes not felt like they fit in, have not known how to deal with their spanking fetish, and haven’t had anyone to talk to. I am a social worker and have always liked helping people. Helping people work through problems or being that sympathetic ear is fulfilling to me. Sometimes people just need to be heard. I listen. It may sound silly but active listening is a skill, and I do it well.
Do you really feel like you are helping people?
I do, and that is why I continue to do this and love it. I know that I have helped people whether it be directly or indirectly. I also know that I will do whatever I can to help a client in the vanilla world should my client ask. I am not just your neighborhood disciplinarian, I am also a mom and have nurturing instincts that everyone is susceptible to.
How long do you see yourself doing this professionally?
I can see myself doing this as long as I continue to feel good about what I do and I am able to financially. I know that if I won the lottery I would still be spanking on some level. It is just in my blood. I feel unsatisfied if I can’t participate in MY spanking fetish.
What are some of the best experiences that you have had doing this?
I have met some wonderful people that I don’t know if I would have met otherwise. I have made some lasting friendships and I have traveled to new places, with more travel on the horizon. I have dined at nice restaurants, and shared wine and conversation with some very interesting people. I also have gone to shooting ranges with a couple of clients and I really love doing that. I love being able to me with people I care for and respect.
Will you switch with clients?
As a general rule, no. I just don’t feel comfortable doing it and I have a spanking partner who I go to for that. He knows exactly what I like and what I need. Sometimes I switch at parties though, so your best shot at spanking me would be at an event at a party.
How are the parties? Which ones have you been to and/or will be back to?
I love going to local and national parties. I have been to all three of the Lone Star Spanking Parties, one Texas All State, and this year I went to Shadow Lane. I will definitely go back to all of them and I hope to make the October Crimson Moon next year. I love to make new friends and see old friends at the parties. I also love to meet the online friends that I have made through FetLife and Twitter in person. That is always fun. Also, my spanking partner and I love to co-top the ladies if we get a chance. 😉
Shhhh…. I’m really not very scary. Don’t tell anybody.
October 17, 2017
Hello there fellow spankos! I hope all is well with you in your world. Since my last post I have had time to rest and take it easy a while. As many of you have seen on Twitter, my dog Molly was nearing the end of her long life and sadly, she passed on Sunday. It is hard to let go of such a dear soul that has been a part of my life for such a long time, she has weathered many storms with me and was a sweet girl and great companion. I am so thankful that I had some quality time to spend with her at the end. She needed that and so did I. I know that having feelings and compassion is something that some disciplinarians can hide very well with clients. I guess I can too, however, I am a sap when it comes to animals.
In happier news, I recently celebrated a year long friendship with a dear client who has become a close friend. He spoiled me very nicely with a wonderful dinner and drinks and we had a fun spanking session afterward. He has grown to be a great friend to me as several clients have. I know that not everyone is looking for this with their disciplinarian and frankly, neither am I. However, when I click with someone mentally and we are both open to a friendship it is quite wonderful when it happens. So, thank you to the few that have become personal friends, you know who you are.
Today also marks the day that I met a very special person three years ago. In all fairness, if it weren’t for him I wouldn’t be doing what I do and I will be forever grateful to him for encouraging me to do spank professionally. Thank you for the last three years, JD Webb, it has been a pleasure. 😊
As for business, I will be traveling to Portland, OR in December and have just added Paris, FR and London, ENG to my calendar next year. I am very excited about the international travel and can’t wait to share my brand of discipline across the pond. If you would like to book a session with me please contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org for availability.
I wish all of you a fun and safe October. Happy Halloween!
September 25, 2017
Well it has been almost a month since my last blog entry so I thought I would write a brief update on what has been going on in Positively Spanking land. I have been on the road a lot this month, Las Vegas, Phoenix, Houston, Biloxi and Arlington/Dallas area. I had quite a blast in Las Vegas and met so many wonderful people in the flesh that had been only online friends and had the opportunity to connect with old friends and acquaintances that I have met at other parties. It is always fun to reconnect, so thank you to everyone whose path I crossed, you all made the weekend special! BradD took me out to a nice steak dinner and we had wonderful, interesting conversation… some spanky, some vanilla. Cat31199 was such a sweetheart and pleasure to meet, we had a wine and steak dinner that was awesome too. *Miss Rachel loves steak and red wine ;). I know that everyone I met I will remain friends with and I hope to see them all again soon. Both men I mentioned here were complete gentleman and gained my utmost respect, but so was every other client I saw in Las Vegas. Everyone was a pleasure and unique in their own way.
As for the girls, I was really looking forward to meeting @SassyXOLassy and she did not disappoint. I have been following her on twitter and we had exchanged some tweets before the party. She was so much fun to finally meet and I was excited that I had the opportunity to play with her and even more so when she let me spank her in a room full of people. She has a very nice bottom, I was super envious. I also let her spank me privately to see what she could do, and she was indescribably wonderful. If you are ever in the Seattle area be sure to book some time with her, you will be glad you did. She has a stingy hand and is such a delight to be around, her energy is contagious. I also had the pleasure of being caned by Strict Jane, ouch! But then again, I did ask for it. I really love her attitude and hope to get know her even better in the future.
Most of all, I was happy to share this time with JD Webb and experience all of the delights of this party with him. It was really like no other party I have been to before. We had some great time spanking girls together and alone time that was phenomenal. He also was caned by Alisha-W in a role play that was very realistic. I witnessed it and she is VERY SKILLED at school canings. Overall, the atmosphere at the party was laid back and I didn’t see much, if any, drama. Yay to Shadow Lane for throwing a fantastic chill party, I guarantee I will be back again! Thanks to Eve, Tony, Butch and all of the SL organizers.
Now for the not so great news…
Unfortunately, during the last half of the month I saw quite a few cancellations and no-shows which has made me have to restructure my travel procedures and cancel upcoming travel that has not had enough interest. This was unfortunate as I trusted all of the people that stood me up, all were repeat clients and perhaps thought I was gullible or naive. I don’t know about you, but when so many people are dying at the last minute it makes me stop and think. Either I have a ton of really unlucky clients or people trying to take advantage of me.
Let me be clear, deposits do not cover my expenses, I rely on the balance of a session when I am booking travel. When I come to your town you don’t cover hotel for me, my transportation to get there or anything else, you just have to show up. Doing that service FOR YOU, is a hefty expense on my end. Therefore, I am now requiring full prepayment and a minimum number of sessions for my travel dates to happen in the future. I hope that everyone can understand that a deposit does not generally cover my travel costs and when I am stood up for whatever reason, I end up losing money and the travel ends up not being worth my time. I don’t do a business of averages like some, if it isn’t worth it, I am not going. Period. Please make sure that you understand this new policy if you are visiting me outside of Austin. Also, if you don’t show for an appointment, please don’t try to re-book with me. You are already a liability in my eyes and not worth the trouble. However, if you pay the remainder of your session fee, you will be given another shot. Also, if you want a reference to see another disciplinarian and you have cancelled/no showed with me, PLEASE CONTACT ME FOR A REFERENCE! I will tell her or him exactly what they can expect.
Hopefully October will be back to normal for me, I wish you all the best and please keep an eye on your loved ones, something seems to be in the air. 😉
August 27, 2017
Welcome to the second installment of my blog. What is happening in my world, you may wonder? As I am starting to gear up to begin my pilgrimage to Shadow Lane in Las Vegas this week, Hurricane Harvey decided to descend upon the great state of Texas. This hurricane has caused quite a stir here in Austin but this Florida girl ain’t scared of no darned hurricane. While it may have gotten everyone in Texas in a tizzy, it isn’t going to stop me from speaking my mind. Fingers crossed that my flight won’t be grounded on Wednesday!
I thought I would bring up accountability today as I have had several sessions this week where the correlation between accountability and punishment have surfaced. I want to stress one basic thing to my fellow spankos, the only person you should to be accountable to is yourself. No matter the need for discipline, understand that nobody (not even professional disciplinarians) can hold you accountable for your actions unless you hold yourself accountable first. It can be wonderful to have someone (partner, friend, disciplinarian) with which you can share all of your deepest darkest dreams, desires, and downfalls. However, true change comes from within ourselves and we must embrace that concept first. The thought that others can hold us accountable for our actions is nonsensical in my opinion. Yes, others may help us realign and help us refocus our priorities but if you are looking to cease a behavior, call yourself out on your own bullshit first.
I will step down from my soapbox and finish my blog with something that is close to my heart, my final segment of my interview with my spanking partner, JD Webb. If you are attending the party and would like to share your thoughts and experiences with me that I can use in a future blog please make sure you let me know. The life long learner in me wants to explore other people’s journey to attempt to find a better understanding of myself and other spankos. So please, speak up if you would like, you will be heard. 🙂
JD Webb Interview Part II
In our first segment, you mentioned how you had no context of sexuality when you first became aware of your desire/need to spank and be spanked. You also mention how later in life you were able to merge that in to sexual fantasies and most of your sex involves spanking in one way or another. Do you think that making it into a sexual component was essential for you to find others that like to spank as well? Was that the only way you thought it made sense? Looking back, do you think it was just the natural evolution of a spanko?
I’m sure it was just the natural evolution. I was never able to sit and consider this fetish, mostly because it was so weird to me and I didn’t really want to acknowledge it even existing. It’s funny to think of sexual thing existing prior to any awareness of sexuality but I think that’s why it was all so confusing. I bet many, many spankos feel the same way about their early memories.
I ask this because I have had several clients that no longer can have sex or even want to, but spanking is still important in their lives. They don’t need sex but they need spanking, either giving or receiving or both. Do you identify with this? If sex was no longer a part of your life, do think the need for spanking would evaporate? Do you see yourself being spanked and caned/spanking others well into your golden years?
I’ve joked with you in person about how I always wanted to grow up to be a dirty old man. I think that’s a spanking-related observation as much as a vanilla-sex one. So yes, I do imagine that’s I’ll always have this need. After all, if it existed before I was aware of sex, shouldn’t it live on if my sexual appetite disappears? I imagine so.
Which type of spanking do you prefer the most? Do you like no nonsense punishment type spanking, role play, or funishment style? For you as a spanker and as a spankee?
This may be a cop-out answer but I like all of it. I think it depends a lot on who I’m playing with, too. For example, I can lose myself when I’m over your lap, really give into it and trust you to give me what I need. Likewise, when you really need a spanking I can do that for you, because we’ve done so much together, because we know each other so well, and because we truly care so much about each other.
But there’s so much fun to be had, too, meeting new people at parties and spanking a brand new bottom, or climbing over the lap of a new top.
If I had to pick one for the top of my list I think it’d be role play. There are about nine million scenarios to go through, and one can really examine certain aspects of the spanking fetish with role play, hone in on a particular element. If you want to try exhibitionism you could get spanked in front of a “class” of other people. Or if you want to be scolded, taken back to your youth, all of these can be wonderfully exciting in a role play.
I have found that, when you are in control, receiving a spanking is stress relieving for me as your partner. It is freeing for me to be able to let myself let go of control and let you decide what you think I need. How do you feel when you are spanked? When you are the spanker?
Being a spanker is fun, but it’s also a huge responsibility precisely because someone is trusting you in an emotionally and physically vulnerable situation. As you know, my own tolerance varies from time to time and you’re able to pick up on that, vary what you do and how you do it accordingly. That allows me to sink into the experience and let go, give up every piece of control. It’s such a freeing feeling.
We have known each other over three years and have been spanking each other almost that entire time. Even though you spank others on occasion and are spanked by other tops at parties, what do you like about our time together v. time you have played with others?
The big difference is precisely what you point out. I’ve never had a relationship like this, where someone knows exactly what I need, how I need. Where someone is one hundred percent understanding and utterly nonjudgmental. And, most importantly, where someone has taken the time to really know me. Honestly, I always thought I’d go through life having the occasional play time, maybe paying for a professional to get my needs met. I never dreamed I’d find someone who would truly get this part of me. So, what I’m saying is, while I love playing at parties there’s not really a real comparison to be had.
You stated in our previous segment that your girlfriends in your teens and twenties had mostly negative reactions when you would bring up spanking. The “why would you want to hurt me?” reaction was very similar to the one that I had with you when we first met. Being a kinky person but not necessarily identifying as a spanko at that time, I was open to explore. Thankfully we did and came to find out that I had this need as well. Do you think that you have honed your approach to asking if others are into it as you have matured?
Yes, I think so. I am constantly wondering if those around me a secret spankos because as you know from being in the community, we are everyone and everywhere. I will often drop the word “spanking” into conversation, in a way that makes sense, of course, and usually in a jokey way, to see if I get any positive feedback. I suppose I’m a little bolder about it than I used to be, but I’m also more respectful. If someone shows no interest or doesn’t respond I just leave it alone. If I remember correctly, and I do, you responded quite well when the subject came up. 🙂
I feel that our sessions together are so wonderful because we know each other so well and trust each other. Do you think that as a spanko, finding meaningful relationships with others that understand you are as important at this stage in your life? Do you think if it was all light play it would be any less fulfilling?
For sure. I think it’s important for spankos to establish those meaningful relationships at any time in their lives. I would love to have met you decades ago for this, absolutely. And I know for a fact that it’s better than light play because before I met you, that’s pretty much what I had. Sure, it was fun and maybe staved off some part of my need but is nothing like what I have now in you. There’s no real comparison.
How many professionals have you sessioned with through the years? You encouraged me to go pro, why did you think I should? What do you think my best quality is as a top?
I’ve never hired anyone, but I certainly thought about it plenty! I’ve played with a few who are professionals but only at parties.
I encouraged you for several reasons. One, you are a talented and understanding spanker. By that I mean you are “mechanically,” in that you know what to do and how to do it. But you are also a very empathetic person. You read people well and you have a desire to help people. Combine those elements and you have the complete spanker, right?
In a more practical sense, there’s also a dearth of pros in this area, so there’s a natural vacuum for your talents to fill.
Lastly, at Shadow Lane this year, if we were to meet the girl that you went to the first Shadow Lane with back in 1994 do you think you would say something to her? Maybe spank her? We already know you are hoping to see Sandy 😉
You know, I would love to go over Sandy’s lap, but I have no idea if she’s still in the scene. Maybe someone out there reading this might know? But the girl I went with, no, I don’t feel like that’s an open issue for me. I’d definitely chat with her, maybe play, but I don’t have any sense that I have unfinished business, so to speak, with her. Plus, I plan to be busy roasting your bottom!
August 19, 2017
Hello and welcome to Miss Rachel’s blog! I am so excited to be able to share more of my thoughts and feelings on a more personal level.
Shadow Lane is right around the corner and in anticipation of the party, what better way to celebrate than to interview a lifelong spanko? What better life long spanko to interview than my spanking partner? So, I decided that my first entry should be an interview with JD Webb, my glorious partner. He knows me better than anyone and he GETS it! He is a mainstream mystery writer and sometimes kink author. He is fascinating to me and his story may be similar to yours. This is the first segment of my interview, I hope you enjoy it.
First things first, you consider yourself a spanko, correct? Do you consider it a defining part of who you are? Like sexuality or gender identity? Do you prefer to be the spanker or spankee? Do you spank men and women? Does size and shape matter?
Correct, I’m a tried and true spanko, have been all my life (oh, that’s the next question… I’ll hold off on that one…!). Yes, it is a defining part of who I am, absolutely. Jillian Keenan has argued that being kinky is an orientation and I agree, it’s integral to my sexuality. It is my sexuality.
I am a switch. It took me a long time to admit that to myself and others, but I am a true switch. At this point, people usually give a percentage of spanker/spankee but for me it varies, over long periods and short periods. For example, I was a top only for years and years. Then when I started trusting that other side of myself, I went all in for a while. Now I swing merrily to and fro, enjoying both equally.
I spank, and get spanked by, women only. I suppose in theory I could imagine a scenario where that changes but in practice… I’m as straight as an arrow. A very kinky arrow. As for size and shape, I do have preferences for those I date but when it comes to playing, I don’t care in the least.
We have had the discussion about spanking and nature v. nurture. Some spankos were spanked as a child and others weren’t. I know we both seemed to agree that everyone’s journey is different and there are no absolutes in cause or desire for fetishes. But let’s get some background on your upbringing. Were you spanked as a child? What is your earliest memory of spanking? How old were you? Was it an otk spanking or something else?
I was not spanked as a kid, ever, no. That said…. I went to boarding schools in England right before corporal punishment was outlawed. So I heard, and even saw, a fair few “whackings” and I’ll be honest, they terrified me! I would have done anything in the world to avoid that fate, and in fact did. I pulled at least one prank that resulted in the cane coming out, but not for me!! Yeah, I felt guilty for a long time over that!
I remember very clearly the feeling of being around it. Utter fascination and terror in equal measure and I often wondered what it would be like to get the cane or slipper. I still wonder, of course, and in a way I regret not taking my medicine back then so I would know now. Easy to say that from the distance of a few decades, of course, because like I said before, the fear of it out-weighed any curiosity!
As for my earliest memories, I’m a cliché when it comes to spankos. Looking up words in the dictionary, finding it in books, all that sort of thing. I never gave my first spanking until I was in my twenties, but I blame Al Gore for that. He didn’t invent the internet quickly enough. Now I’m trying to make up for lost time…
How did you feel at the time when you realized you had this urge? Did you feel alone or odd that you wanted to spank? Did you think if you tried it once it would scratch the itch, or did you know that it would always be something significant in your life?
I felt odd. And yes, alone. I didn’t want anyone to know and, frankly, I didn’t know what it was myself. I was aware of this… oddity… before I was aware of sexuality so I had no context for it. What an odd fascination to have, with no place to put it. As I got older it was fodder for my sexual fantasies, of course, and all my fantasies had that element. Vanilla sex wasn’t for me. Not that I don’t enjoy vanilla sex, of course, but in my imagination it’s all spanking, all the time.
When was the first time you decided to act on your curiosity? How old were you, who did you spank/try to spank? How was it received?
I tried bringing it up with girlfriends in my teens and early twenties. Dropping hints. But no one bit and the only feedback I got back was totally negative. “Why would you want to hurt me?” kind of thing. I didn’t have the confidence or experience to charm or seduce someone into trying it so I would always drop the subject and walk away feeling like a horrible, twisted person.
I know you have been to some of the big parties (Shadow Lane, TASSP, LSSP) but what made you decide to venture out to your first one? How did that go for you? Has your participation waxed or waned as you have grown older?
I was 25 years old and committed to going to the 1994 Shadow Lane party. I had corresponded with a young lady from New York and we’d agreed to meet there. Honestly, I was in the prime of my life—fit, strong, handsome as I’d ever be. And a wallflower. I didn’t know how to get into the suite parties and my NYC friend spent the weekend playing and having a blast, while I read by the pool and stood around feeling awkward.
I do remember a well known spanko called Sandy, a beautiful African American woman, she came up and asked if I liked to be spanked. I said no. she gave me a big smile and said, “Let me know if you change your mind.” That was before I was secure enough to admit I liked it, and hey, Sandy! I’ve changed my mind!
As I’ve gotten older I’ve found myself more comfortable with who I am, what I like. So while I’m still a little reticent to ask people to play, I do it. And I don’t mind spanking or being spanked in public play rooms.
I do wish I had my 1994 body, though, I’ll tell ya that much…!
Have you felt shame associated with your spanking urges? If so, how have you dealt with that? As a child? As a teen? As an adult?
Heavens yes. All my life, today still I’d bet. My usual response is to try and hide it, to lie when challenged, and to bury everything deep. It’s only very very recently that I’ve tried to be more open, more honest, and trust people around me not to laugh or judge. That’s not easy after 50 years of hiding it, but I’m trying.
Have you found that you have to be secretive about your needs and desires to spank because you don’t think others would understand?
Oh yes, for sure. Even those close to me who try, don’t get it. And it’s not just about spanking others it’s about being around them. Being with my tribe, so to speak. I mean, think about it—for years I thought this kink made me a freak, a weirdo. Then I discovered other people were into it, but I worried they weren’t normal either (whatever that is). So for decades I’ve wanted to meet other spankos, as a kind of reassurance that yes, normal people can be into this. I don’t have to play with them, but I do have to know they exist, I do have to be around them from time to time.
Did you feel like your other family members (siblings and parents) may have had this fetish as well? Have you ever discussed it with them? If not, would you ever?
No, never ever ever! Cringe.
As a mainstream writer with a vanilla career, do you talk about spanking with your vanilla peers or only those that you know are in the lifestyle? If so, how do you start that conversation? What has been reaction from vanillas that you have told?
Interesting question. For one thing, I’ve worked a touch of spanking into most of my novels. Just a little bit, nothing to give myself away. And not just in my writing life, I do occasionally share my secret with people I trust. Vanilla people, that is. There have been only a handful and they’ve been curious and nonjudgmental, which is amazing. I have some nice friends. 🙂
I do know a couple of kinky mainstream authors, too, and have my suspicions about others. But this is a private thing, so I’m very careful not to overstep boundaries.
Do you have children? Do you believe in spanking children?
I do have kids and no, emphatically. Spanking is an adult activity, and should only ever be between consenting adults. No exceptions. Ever.
What is the future of spanking for JD Webb? Do you think you have found a homeostasis? Will you continue to evolve?
I hope so. There are things I want to do, people I want to meet and play with. There are physical and mental aspects I want to explore. I’d like to write a spanking novel, too, and there’s no reason I shouldn’t, apart from lack of time maybe. After so many years of repression I think it’s inevitable that even now I continue to evolve and explore. And that’s a nice thought for me.
What would be a dream spanking scenario look like for you?
I rent a chateau in France. You’re my co-hostess. We invite twenty spankos for a week, flying them over in private planes. We have a spanko chef on staff who prepares informal breakfasts and lunches, and a formal, black-tie dinner every evening. And every evening, all our names go in a glass bowl, with one being taken out. That person receives six strokes of the cane in the dining room, everyone watching. (Hmm, I guess that means everyone there is sub or switch, but we can work on the details later…) There’s a swimming pool and clothes are optional. It’s not an orgy, but it’s a festival of spanking.
One week at a French chateau, with great food, fine wine, and everyone spanked silly.
Are you in?
Boy, am I ever! ~Miss Rachel 🙂
Miss Rachel and JD Webb will be available for limited co-topping sessions at Shadow Lane. Contact email@example.com for further information.
You can follow JD Webb on Twitter @AuthorJDWebb